keeping the love

1. Eye contact

staring into each other’s eyes can trick the brain into releasing phenylethylamine – a natural amphetamine and one of the brain chemicals that makes people fall in love. Try the following eye-contact exercise: 1 Attract your partner’s attention, either by calling his or her name or putting your hand on their shoulder. The second part is particularly effective as you can use gentle pressure to bring her or his head away from the computer screen, for example, and to look at you. 2 Wait until you have your partner’s full attention and he or she is looking into your eyes and wondering what is happening. 3 Look into their eyes. It does not need to be for more than a second – just long enough so you really see each other. 4 Give them a kiss on the lips. 5 Your partner will probably be suspicious and may ask something like, ‘What do you want?’ 6 Just smile and walk away. 7 Repeat the next day. If your partner asks about the kiss, don’t be defensive (‘Can’t I even ask for a kiss?’) or go on the attack (‘I have to ask for a kiss because you never give me one.’). Just explain how you used to enjoy eye contact when you were first dating. Although at first this exercise will seem forced, before long it will be incorporated into your routines and will become second nature.

2. Connection

To reintegrate this element of limerence back into your relationship, look for events that can be stored up and shared in the evening with your partner. You could even write them down in a notebook so as not to forget. There are two secrets to making these snippets interesting: firstly, look for the details that bring a story to life; secondly, seek out events, opinions and characters that play to your partner’s particular interests.