happiness

Last week I had occasion to contemplate this more seriously while watching a televised debate on the future of marriage. A good friend of mine, Luis Carreras, was one of the participants. The scenario was tremendously revealing: some of the participants were delighted to have met each other, almost all of them lauding the virtues of a life centered on oneself, thinking of others as mere amusements for life’s more dull moments. One went so far as to say that he was very happy to live by himself and that all he wanted was an evening partner because the afternoon-evening period was his worst time and he welcomed a distraction then. He was, more or less, treating others like the diversion of a movie or a novel read before retiring for the night.

Then a lady spoke, describing herself as a relational anarchist. She explained that, at each moment, she was weighing up which person or persons were useful to her as companions, lovers or whatever, one or several, simultaneously or successively, male or female. The picture was completed by another lady who claimed to have married herself. And, of course, they all seemed to be nice and good people. Nothing to say about the people, and even less to judge.

But I could not help imagining them living by themselves, dedicated to themselves alone, with their small horizon of I-me-mine, which they staunchly defended. At the same time, I saw Luis, smiling, with that healthy insouciance that comes from the satisfaction of a life well spent, devoted to his ten, yes, ten children. He excused himself by saying, ‘It did not give us time to have more’, much to the scandal of the other participants. His ten children and almost twenty grandchildren were the reason for his peaceful demeanour, reflecting a depth of life that comes from knowing that happiness, as Kierkegaard said, is a door that always opens towards others, not towards oneself. I do not mean to imply that the number of children is what matters, but rather that love, and the consequent happiness it brings, is the ultimate disposition in life, available to any person, whether living alone or with a hundred others.